Academy Awards Daydream
Since I’m going to be watching the Oscars from Lancaster, PA, I was daydreaming the other day about the Amish Academy Awards, where host Julian Borntrager would refuse to appear on television, the red carpet would be brown canvas, and the only film nominated every year would be “Witness” (although officially none of the members of the Academy would ever have seen it).
But seriously (okay, not seriously), as I begin to feel that tug in my brain that wants to look forward to the ceremony but knows that I’m pretty much going to resent the whole thing, I consider...
Michael Moore tried to get Fahrenheit 911 into the best film category (and of course failed and is now nominated for nothing at all). But what if he’d succeeded, and we were headed towards a truly postmodern Academy which would recognize all things captured as moving images as cinema (and seriously, with satellites and surveillance cameras, I think we can include pretty much anything we can think of), all people responsible for them as directors, and anything funded by the U.S. as legit in the main catergories? This could get exciting.
Performance by an actor in a leading role: My favorite nominee is Viktor Yuschenko, but I would say there could be some hot competition for this one.
A shoe-in for best actress in a (very) supporting/ive role: Condoleeza Rice in the 9/11 hearings.
Silvia nominates Berlusconi for best actor in a (very) supporting/ive role, although Tony Blair and Chirac are also getting some votes.
Achievement in make-up: Berlusconi, for fantastic, socially responsible plastic surgery
Achievement in editing: Hello, obviously GW.
Achievement in music: Was it Dick Cheney who sang “As the Eagle Soars?” There’s gotta be a better nominee for this one.
Okay, obviously I got going in a political vein and didn’t ever get out of it. Any nominees, guys? Stay tuned…
posted by EMP @ 1:01 PM
1 Comments
1 Comments:
At first I thought that was Courier in which you were blogging, but with my glasses on it's clearly something else. I think it's the font in which Computer Joshua spoke in Wargames. Either way, it does lend a certain recently declassified document je ne sais quoi to your post, and I am both more attentive to your words and more anxious at what they might be saying.
It was Ashcroft, not Cheney, who sang "Let the Eagle Soar." You may be confused because Cheney was in Le Tigre between his stint at Halliburton and the presidency.
Anyway, your post made me think about the films that get forgotten at Oscar time, and their political counterparts...Garden State is your John Kerry--a little on the wordy side, but it leaves you with illegitimate hopes nonetheless. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, maybe a Howard Dean--flashy and bright-eyed but without the traditional chops to get anywhere (and, for sure, a DNC presidency is as much a consolation prize as Best Screenplay). SAW? Alan Keyes.
For the five minutes I spent thinking about this between attacks of vigorous sobbing, it seemed to me that we've entered a second Drive-In era of late, in which most of the films made are of the horror variety. If this is so, and if Hollywood is a reflection of the Market, which is a reflection of some sort of National Anxiety, then at least I'm not as alone as I feel. But why doesn't everyone vote their neurosis? I mean, conscience.
If we continue at this pace, by 2007 all films out of Hollywood will be horror. This fact alone does not bother me. But what of the Wayans Brothers? How can anyone be expected to get all the references in Scary Movie 4, when the pool from which it draws is so vast?
This is what will destroy us.
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